Wednesday, 17 February 2016

A Bad Day Is...

It's when you have days when you're exhausted but you feel like you can't sit still. You want nothing more than to be asleep and away from the shouting in your brain but you can't drift off. You don't want to eat anything but you eat non stop to try and fill the emptiness in your stomach. When you suddenly become convinced everyone hates you, and you realise who you want to love you. When you want to be alone but you don't want to be on your own. When you want to scream but you don't have the energy to open your mouth. It's when you sit in bed and think of all the things you'd give to be 'normal', to go just 24 hours without these kind of thoughts in your head. 

When you want to punch, kick, and shout obscenities. But you also just want someone to lift you in to their arms, cuddle you, kiss you on the forehead and tell you they love you and everything will be okay. 

Bad depression/anxiety days are more than just feeling 'a bit sad' or 'a bit worried', they're days where you feel every single emotion a human is capable of. You're happy your alive, but you're also sad that you're alive. You're jealous of everyone else, you're angry that you have to be like this, you feel helpless that it's out of your control. A bad day like this is a constant adrenaline fuelled fight in your mind, and ultimately no one is going to win. 

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