I know, you've probably read countless other anxiety posts on countless other blogs. But sometimes you just need to talk (or type) about what's going on in your head. The thing about anxiety is that you're constantly learning about it, so expecting other people to understand it and solve it for you is ridiculous.
The new things I've learnt lately;
1. Dating someone when you have anxiety is hard. Really, really hard. The slightest misused word, the wrong kind of look, a call back or text taking what you think is a little bit too long, anything can set you off. Which is why if you're dating someone you can't trust, you might as well give up now. But I've been lucky to end up in a situation where I trust the other person. However I still can't expect them to understand when my brain starts running off and I convince myself, for example they're about to break up with me, that I'm not trying to insult them. It's because I care that I have these thoughts, because I don't want anything to go wrong. There's a fine line between just being paranoid and pushing someone away though. It's a pretty hard line to not cross.
I don't really have anymore thoughts on this point at the moment, it's one that I'm still working on. And I will probably have to continue on. If anyone reads this and wants any immediate advice, I'd like to say be honest, tell the other person that you're not trying to insult them. The thoughts you have can at times feel a real as the screen you're reading this on, and it can take a while to reign yourself back in.
2. Drinking alcohol will ALWAYS affect your anxiety. You won't be able to build up a "tolerance" to it. Just because you go out one night and have a panic attack and all hell breaks loose, doesn't mean it's going to happen every time. But just because you've gone out and had a good night and remained calm, doesn't mean that you can start being complacent. You still need to be careful.
3. Family problems happen. This one might sound a little bit selfish or ignorant to some, but I'm going to say it anyway. If the problem doesn't directly affect you, and you can't do anything to directly fix it, you need to try to stop worrying about it. Sometimes it's okay to let other people deal with things on their own. They don't always actually want you there all the time. The best you can do I've learnt is to keep yourself as informed on the problem as you feel comfortable with, Don't overload your brain if you avoid it, try not to pry in other areas of it, and just be there when other people need you. Trust me, they will be there for you when you need them as well.
4. Phones can be turned off. Landlines can be unplugged. Phone numbers can be blocked. Doors can be locked. It's okay to avoid things.
I've tried really hard with this post, but like I said, I'm still learning. My anxiety problems kicked in properly about 6 years ago tomorrow. Life hasn't been the same, and I'm willing to accept it will always be different now. Anxiety, and especially paranoia, can't be folded up like an old coat and shoved in to a box and ignored. It's always going to be there, you just have to learn to live with it. Not focus on trying to live without it.
With Love,
Rose-Marie.
